The English Samurai


This idea came from a writing prompt of using your middle name (William) and your first car (Subaru), neither of which you see in the final version, for two reasons. The first is because Subaru is a bit awkward, unless you're writing in dactylic meter. Haru just flows better. The second is simply because Hugo has wonderful alliteration with Haru.


This is the revised version of William Subaru's Maiden Voyage, which I have now submitted to the wergle-flomp humor poetry contest.







The English Samurai


From a Japanese father and English mother,

Came Hugo Haru for the world to discover.

An inch and a head taller than both his brothers

And two heads taller than all the others,

His deeds were known from Okayama

Around the world to a Yorkshire mama.

The greatest hero that was or will be,

He climbed many mountains, and sailed the sea,

Fought dragons and pirates and found lost treasure.

A redwood could scarce take his measure.

He fought for peace but when peace went awry,

He became an English samurai.

Adventure his home; he kept no address,

But only space for a damsel in distress.

A senora in trouble? He sailed to Peru.

She swooned and sighed, “Que es Hugo Haru?!”

He saved her from harm with no little charm,

But the hero was sought on a far Russian farm.

He won the day for that sweet devushka-

Her heart, as well as her dear baboushka.

They begged him to stay, but that's not his way,

So soon he was off to Ballantrae Bay.

Hugo set out on this last fine quest,

But his heart was not up to this kind of test.

He swung on a vine, square chin in the lead

And pleased that she seemed the finest breed.

Of all the challenges the hero did face,

Not one (till now) had made his heart race.

Not a villain or monster or seizing his plunder,

But a lassie’s green eyes, is what did him under.

He loved many times, but now Hugo swore

He’d trade his katana for a claymore.

He wanted to save her from rain in the sky;

He could hold an umbrella to keep her quite dry,

And when the sun beat down, his concern

Remained her fair skin, so it would not burn.

Soon he learned of the Lochness monster

And did not want this beast to haunt her,

For it had eaten her family’s cows,

Oxes, chickens, and even their plows!

“Have no fear of this creature so scary!

I'll win the day and then we shall marry.

I’ll venture into the deep and dark loch,

Kill the beast and avenge your livestock!”


Nothing that Hugo had seen before

On land, in air, on sea, and at shore

Made him doubt his hearing and vision

Like this maiden who peered with derision,


“I did not ask for your love or your plan

Listen to me you violent man!

Away with your killing and affection;

My family and I don’t need your protection.

I’ve already made a course of action;

I’ll make the Lochness a tourist attraction.”

Hugo recovered and said to the maiden,

“I’ll help with this monster task that you’re laden,

I’m sure you misspoke because you are red-haired

“Thank you, but no,” she promptly declared.

“I’ve already dug a Lochness sized pit,

got crocodile guards and one misfit.

“I’ll catch my monster sooner or later.

Have a nice day and watch the alligator.

I don’t want to date or play the bagpipe,

And I’m more into the bookish type.”

Speechless, Hugo turned to leave

He reached for the vine, but it caught his sleeve.

He lost his balance – the first time ever -

his grip on the vine, and this endeavor.

His other hand caught, don’t you fret,

But felt so strange, now covered in sweat.

He fell in the pit and was eaten by a croc

Never seen again in that deep and dark loch.


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