From an English father and a Japanese mother,
Was born William Subaru who the world would discover.
He was an inch and a head taller than his brothers
And at least two heads taller than all the others
His deeds were known to a child in Okayama
Around the world to a ditch digger’s mama.
He was the greatest hero that ever was or ever will be.
He climbed mountains, probed the jungle and sailed the sea,
Fought dragons and pirates and found lost treasure,
It would take a redwood tree to take his measure.
He fought for peace but when peace went awry,
He fought with his sword like an English samurai.
He followed the adventures and never kept an address,
Always on the lookout for a lovely damsel in distress.
He heard of a senorita and bravely dashed off to Peru
She swooned and fainted and cried “Que es William Subaru?!”
He couldn’t stay long and was soon on his way
To save another lassie in need in Ballantrae Bay.
He swung in on a vine with his square chin in the lead
And was quite pleased that she was of a fine breed.
William loved many times and would’ve loved many more,
But now swore he would trade his katana for a claymore.
He could hold up an umbrella so her fair skin wouldn’t burn.
Any who dared make fun of her red hair he would spurn.
He learned the lochness monster ate her family’s oxes and cows
They’ll soon starve without milk, meat and use of their plows.
“Have no fear, my beautiful, helpless, fair lady.
For as sure as you will soon change your name from miss O’Grady,
I will venture into the depths of the deep and dark loch
Kill the monster and avenge your missing livestock!”
In all of William Subaru’s years on both sea and on shore,
He saw something that he had never seen before.
With a look of contempt, she responded, “I have a better plan
Than just killing an animal, you violent short-sighted man!
My family will be rich with my superior course of action.
I’ll capture the lochness and make a tourist attraction.”
He recovered quickly and agreed to help the fair maiden
By taking on this monster task of which she was laden.
“Gosh, thanks, but no thanks,” she sternly uttered.
“I enjoy the challenge and anyway, I’ve got it covered.
I’ve already dug a giant lochness sized pit
Acquired nine crocodile gaurds and one other misfit.”
“So I’ll catch my monster sooner or later.
Have a nice day and don’t step on the alligator.
I’m as interested in dating as much as the bagpipe,
And besides that, I’m more into the bookish type.”
Speechless, William reached for the vine to leave
And for the first time ever, it caught in his sleeve.
He caught the vine with his other hand, don’t you fret
But what a strange feeling, it was all covered in sweat.
He slipped into the pit and was eaten by a croc
Never to be seen again in that deep and dark loch.